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Hello 2,112 friends, it’s Michael here!
Thanks for checking out this issue of the WISER Newsletter. Let’s get WISER together!
🧚 “Hey, Listen!”
5 points if you get the Navi reference.
I want to start today’s issue with a question:
Why do you listen?
I have been described as a good listener, but recently I’ve been reflecting on whether I’m listening for the right reasons.
You might have heard of the following quote:
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
- Stephen Covey (The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People)
Here’s a visual representation I made of this quote a few months ago:
Even though I agreed with this visual months ago, I think I have a new take on it that might represent my understanding of listening better. But first, let’s reflect on these two reasons for listening.
💬 Listen to Reply
For the longest time, I just thought the whole point of listening was to reply.
When we’re younger, we’re all invited to listen to our peers, but the reason for this isn’t explained.
Our teachers share that we have to “take it in turns”, and so we naturally begin to treat discussions as somewhat transactional, right?
I talk, you listen.
Next you talk, I listen.
Then I talk again, and you listen.
This back ’n’ forth of talking is sometimes appropriate, but as we mature we notice that it’s not always the best response to given situations.
Sure, the table tennis of sharing perspectives works well in a meeting or business negotiation, but does it really work when someone’s hurt?
🧠 Listen to Understand
That’s where listening to understand comes in.
Sometimes people don’t need our advice, but just need us to understand their perspective.
One of the primary reasons for this is so that we might act differently.
Someone might tell us their experience, so that we might understand more of their context, and adjust our behaviour as appropriate.
A prime example of this is when a colleague tells us that they’re stressed. In some instances, they do want us to reply with our contributions, but in many instances, they want us to understand the stress that they are going through.
We can all relate to being stressed, so we then know how to act in response to that: to offer them more support and not give them more stuff for them to try and juggle.
But what if you can’t understand what someone’s going through? What if you won’t be able to understand?
👂 Listen to Hear
Sometimes we just need to listen.
Sometimes people just need to be heard.
Sometimes I’ll just never be able to fully understand.
We all carry around character-defining memories. I’ve already shared a few in the WISER Newsletter in previous issues. Today I want to share another featuring my father again.
I’m fortunate to have wonderfully passionate and protective parents. Because of these qualities, I’m fortunate to still be here today having survived depression.
Another area in which my parents have been protective in is my younger brother being treated fairly.
For context, my awesome younger brother is on the autistic spectrum, and there’s been instances where both of my parents have had to fight to see him get the opportunities that he deserves.
I have a particular vivid memory of my dad having a discussion with a business on the phone where the telephony agent responds “I completely understand, Mr Boorman.”
My Dad then responded something to the effect of “Oh, is your child on the autistic spectrum too?”
My dad isn’t usually this sassy, but he has a point, right? How often do you hear people say “I completely understand” when they cannot.
Sometimes you won’t be able to completely understand the person that you’re listening to.
In these instances, just listen, and if a response is required, “I hear you” can be an appropriate comment.
Sometimes we just need to be the person that listens to hear.
❓ Why Do You Listen?
Would you describe yourself as a good listener?
What activities do you think would develop your listening skills?
Do you have any vivid memories related to listening? What do they tell you about listening?
✍️ Consider journalling through the above questions yourself.
💬 Also, if you want to chat about this, email or DM us! We’d love to hear from you!
Recommendations
This is usually where we would make recommendations for either products or services that are relevant to the issue and will make you wise.
Instead, today we merely want to encourage you to listen to someone that needs to be heard.
Take time this week to meet up with an old friend, call that relative or even drum up a conversation with a stranger in the coffee shop.
Be the person that listens.
✍️ What We’re Working On
We’re not quite ready to share an update just yet, but we have some cool stuff in the works!
Don’t worry though, as our newsletter subscribers - you’ll be the first to know when it’s ready to launch.
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😊 Thank You!
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Catch you in the next issue!
Thanks,
Michael and Zac!