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- The Wisest Man I Never Knew
Hello 1,689 friends, it’s Zac here!
Thanks for checking out this issue of the WISER Newsletter. Let’s get WISER together!
Without Words…
My grandfather was probably the wisest man that I never really knew.
He passed away when I was too young to know him properly; to really glean wisdom from him. But everything I had been told about him made me proud, and set off a spark just waiting to get a fire burning in me to delve more into learning.
Because of my own shortcomings, that spark has never caught. It has always faded before taking hold, but there is something that has stuck with me for years, and it is something that I feel this community would benefit from hearing a little bit about.
A little more backstory to set the scene. My grandfather was the pastor of a church and a charismatic man who filled the room with a big presence. I remember him being 8 feet tall and powerful, though I have since learned that he barely broke 5 foot 8, on a good day. He took delight in talking to anyone and everyone about life, about the highs and lows, about the pain and struggles, and about the gospel.
Then he had a stroke.
At the age of 51, this stroke took away the ability to use the left side of his body, but more impactful than that, it took away his ability to speak.
In his silence he discovered that he could communicate through water colour painting and spent hours with his left hand learning to develop that new skill.
What was missing were his words, and his frustration was clear. My mum sat with him and over the course of weeks an odd word at a time was able to create a piece titled “Without Words”, detailing the change in his life after this event, the impact his loss of speech had, but how this new way of life opened up a new perspective. It ended with a line that, every time I read it, makes me stop and take stock of things:
“Take time to listen, take time to care, use words carefully but make sure you use them for the power of the kingdom. One day they may not be there.”
- Colin Marsh
Now, you may not be a person of faith, and that's cool, I totally understand a lot of the reasons for and against, this isn’t a preach. I do think there is value in this for everyone, so let me expand.
⏳ Take Time
👂 “Take time to listen”
Listening is a skill - a skill that needs to be learnt and practised.
Listening is not just hearing another person's words, or waiting with bated breath until you can jump in with your own views, opinions or solutions to the topic of conversation.
No - listening is an art form, it is allowing the other person to fully, and without interruption say what they need to say. This will transform the dynamic of what could have been an explosive conversation and make that person feel heard.
In turn this will open up a much more receptive attitude to what you have in response. Listening should take what was a transaction, and turn it into a dance of words that allows both parties to feel included, heard and productive.
It is all too common for us, myself included, to ‘listen’ with a prejudiced intent for a conversation. In this situation, we are all losing out on true depth of conversation, meaning and learning.
So practise the skill of listening. It will take time, it will lengthen your conversations, but it will add a new dimension of meaning and relationship, previously not found.
Simon Sinek is a wise man who speaks a lot about the art of listening in various places, but here is a link to a short video that introduces the art of listening as he sees it:
🫂 “Take time to care”
Caring is a skill - a skill that needs to be learnt and practised.
We can always benefit from more care, kindness and compassion in the world. You may know someone that is always kind, always positive, no matter the stress or situation and is always looking at the bright side. Well if you aren't this person and want to be a little more caring, you can learn it!
Practice feeling connected. - This ties directly into my previous point, take time to listen. A study from 2011 found that participants who practised feeling connected through conversation and shared experience, were more likely to carry out acts of kindness over the following six weeks. So by practising our listening skills, we can also practise our caring skills.
Jamil Zaki, author of The War for Kindness shares about the dire need for empathy, caring and kindness in today's world. Here is a very brief summary of his action points, though you can learn more on his website www.warforkindness.com or buy their book here.
Reverse the Golden Rule - By treating yourself the way you’d treat other people.
Spend Kindly - People feel happier and less stressed and after acting generously, as opposed to selfishly. Giving away time even makes people feel they have more of it!
Disagree Better - Instead of debating your views, tell each other the story of how you came to have them in the first place. Try to cultivate and display curiosity about this person, rather than judging them immediately.
Kindtech - Be intentional about how you use your time online. Instead of seeking approval or shaming others, find someone you haven’t interacted with in a while and send them a message, or find someone who’s struggling and voice your support.
Be a Culture Builder - Use the power of social norms for good by reinforcing or challenging others’ behaviour. If you see someone acting kindly or empathically, recognise and reward that. If you see someone acting cruelly or indifferently, challenge them.
⌛️ “Take time”
Time is a precious commodity, something that only moves forward, we can't buy more, we can’t have another go. Make the most of your time. Invest in those around you, invest in family, friends, loved ones. You will never regret how you spent that time.
I am a big fan of a hip-hop artist and spoken word poet Propaganda. Instead of trying to summarise his reflection on time, I encourage you to listen to it yourself. I think you’ll find it uniquely powerful.
“And she only gives you one shot, blow it and she's gone
And I took advantage of her
That's why I'm telling you this
Son, you can't rush her or slow her down
You better keep her on your side
She will slip through your fingers
Like sand, her name is Time
And she told me a secret
She said multitasking is a myth you ain't doing anything good just everything awful
And she begged me to stop stretching her thin and stuffing her full, and stop being so concerned
With the old her and future her, but love her now.”
If the message there and his passion in speech doesn't give you chills, then I am sorry - I don’t know what will.
Stop, take time to listen, take time to care, use words carefully. One day they may not be there.
❓ Are there points above that you think would improve your life?
Would you describe yourself as a good listener?
What would it look like if you developed your skills of caring and kindness?
How could you better make use of your time.
✍️ Consider journalling through the above questions yourself.
💬 Also, if you want to chat about this, email or DM us! We’d love to hear from you!
Recommendations
Here are a couple recommendations of things that we think you will enjoy!
1️⃣The first recommendation is for Jamie Zaki’s book: The War for Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World.
We’ve shared some of the content in it and why we think it’s transformational, but we’ve just scratched the surface.
To become equipped to building empathy
2️⃣ This second recommendation is the full album by Propaganda that features the Be Present (live) clip used in today’s newsletter.
Give it a listen, explore his other albums, his work is loaded with wisdom and opinion that is sure to get you thinking and talking.
* Please note that these may be affiliation links. Purchasing through these links could support Wisdom Made Easy encourage more people to get wiser.
✍️ What We’re Working On
We’d love to just take a moment to thank you all for the support of our first digital product: The Wise Guide to Journaling. We’ve loved receiving comments or DMs from those of you that have started your journaling journey!
The launch sale price will run until the end of March 2023, so if you wanted to grab a copy before it goes up, you can buy yours here:
Did you know that we can make visuals for you, your brand or your business? We’ve been fortunate enough to work with or have our visuals featured by the likes of Steven Bartlett and Sahil Bloom, helping them reach over 10 million each.
Want to learn how we could work together? You can learn more here.
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😊 Thank You!
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Catch you in the next issue!
Thanks,
Michael and Zac!